“It started with a routine scan at the hospital. The nurse was very quiet. I thought she was rude, at the time – it turns out she was figuring out how to break the news to us that there was something very wrong. There was a severe abnormality on our baby’s brain.
What followed was weeks of tests and MRIs, travelling to Dublin for scans, and complications from placenta previa – alongside constant worry about what was happening with our baby.
10 days after the first scan, we met a team of consultants at Holles Street. They confirmed the worst news – a severe abnormality, with no quality of life.
Every consultant in that room agreed: a termination for medical reasons was the compassionate choice. But Ireland’s law could not accommodate it. The doctors could not say with 100% certainty that the baby would die within 28 days. Their hands were tied: they could not provide the termination for us in Ireland.
No room for nuance
Under Irish legislation, a termination on medical grounds requires a certainty that the baby will not survive beyond 28 days of birth. Because Éadha showed evidence of a brain stem, no doctor could provide that guarantee with 100% confidence. The law, as it stands, leaves no room for nuance.
Every single consultant we met agreed with us. They agreed this was the right decision — for us, for our family, for Éadha, in terms of quality of life, compassion, and love for her. But it wasn’t ‘fatal enough’.
The consultants suggested filing an appeal with the HSE, which went to a separate panel of three consultants at another hospital. Another week and a half of waiting.
I found myself completely hiding away from people
It was a very confusing for me. My colleagues, my friends, my neighbours would ask the very normal questions: how are you? How’s the bump? I found myself completely hiding away from people. I ran away from a neighbour because I just did not want to have that conversation. We weren’t ready to discuss that with anybody else other than immediate family.
In December 2024, everyone else was getting ready for Christmas, and Mark and I were having to make some very difficult decisions.
The outcome came from our appeal: unanimous agreement that termination was the right choice, and the same impossible conclusion — it could not be provided in Ireland.
I made the appointment in Liverpool the same day. This was Wednesday, and I got an appointment for the following Tuesday. But they told me it would cost €3000, and they needed payment by Friday.
Support from Abortion Support Network
We were referred to Abortion Support Network by the staff at Holles Street, and I got in touch on Thursday. One of the volunteers helped us find travel options, and they were able to fund a €2000 grant to help with the costs of the procedure. They made the payment directly to the hospital at 4.10pm on Friday, the deadline was 5pm.
It was extremely stressful but we were so grateful that ASN moved so quickly to help us.
We didn’t know what to do
In December 2024, there was a big storm and Holyhead ferry was badly damaged. Our ferry was cancelled on Sunday evening, and we were meant to be travelling on Monday morning. We had to scramble to get another ferry, which we managed – from Rosslare to Pembroke, and drove the 5 hours to Liverpool early on Monday. I was 6 months pregnant, bleeding from a low-lying placenta, uncomfortable. Stressed, grieving, worried about my 3-year-old, who we had left with Mark’s parents for the week, him not really understanding what was happening.
It was an awful time. But we made it to the hospital. I was given medication to start labour, and – though it was hard – it felt like the compassionate decision. I just wanted it to be over. Unfortunately I ended up losing 5 pints of blood (due to the placenta previa, and probably due to travelling as well), and I went into shock.
The decision was made to give me a C-section. The doctors were worried about haemorrhage, and so I had to consent to be given an emergency hysterectomy should this be necessary in surgery. Thankfully this wasn’t needed. They were able to do the procedure, and we were able to hold our baby.
The staff in Liverpool were amazing, so caring. They had a camera ready so we could take photographs, they had ink ready so we could take hand and footprints home.
We were discharged a few days later. It was at this point, a senior consultant came into our room, and explained we would need to hide Éadha’s body when we travelled home, to avoid the risk of being arrested. It’s illegal to transport a body between countries. We didn’t know what to do.
We were risking arrest
One of the hardest things for us to do was to carry our daughter out of that hospital in a little white box. When you see other parents carrying their babies out, it was extremely difficult.
Éadha was part of our family, and we wanted to bring her home. But now it seemed we were risking arrest. We did not put her in the boot of our car. We made the very difficult decision to buy bags of ice, to keep her body cold, and bring her home in a carry cot on the back seat of our car.
Thankfully there was no problem at the ferry. The staff were kind – but I’ve often thought: what if it was somebody else that day who didn’t want to let us through? We did not have the proper documentation to transport a body. This is something that has to change, if we are going to continue to export the problem of terminations for medical reasons to the UK.
And this is what’s happening: women are being exported. Women like me, grieving a wanted pregnancy and left with no support. On top of the ordeal of losing a child, we’re facing emotional trauma, and extremely high costs to travel.
Thankfully, ASN was able to support us. At Éadha’s wake, instead of bringing flowers, we asked our friends and family to make donations to ASN instead. We are thankful they were able to help us at the most difficult time in our lives.”
This story is real: in 2024, Denise Whitmore was forced to leave Ireland to access abortion care for a wanted pregnancy, following a devastating foetal anomaly diagnosis. Every year, hundreds of people make the same journey. ASN is only able to help because of your donations.
